By Myself

If there is one song that says it all, it's this song.

You look at your past and think how easy it was to be able to do things back then. How free you were to act in your own accord without caring.
You just never thought about the consequences or maybe were too immature to be even aware of them. Either way, the bottom line was you were not afraid to act.

And that is something that i miss from my past the most. To act without thinking about the consequences.

Because once having suffered the consequences or worse, having made others suffer from your actions, you find that you are afraid.
You are afraid to make the same moves. For the guilt inside of you has consumed you. You can't bear to create sufferings again for yourself and others. But then again, you just can't sit and do nothing. The world will never stop for you. If you stop, you'll be left behind.

So what should one do?

The following song raises the same question and points out that all this is because you've lost your faith in yourself. You no longer trust your judgment.

In short, this is what low self-esteem and insecurities do to you :(


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Linkin Park - "By Myself"

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?

Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?

Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?

Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless

If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone

If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
by myself

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

How do you think I’ve lost so much
I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch
How do you expect... I will know what to do
When all I know Is what you tell me to

Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside